One day I was picking up my six year old son from school. As usual, he was sitting at the table with three other boys constructing something out of Lego. All of a sudden he gave me a very serious look and said, "I want an eagle." "You mean an eagle toy?" "No, I want a live eagle!" For the next two weeks, each time I showed up in his classroom doorway, he was asking me the same question, “Where is my eagle? Did you get me the eagle?”I tried to change the subject once. “Do you want to know about the Eaglet?” Eaglet is a Soviet Russian song from the 1930s dedicated to a heroic young soldier who was captured by the enemies and is about to be killed. “You mean those soldiers who we commemorate on the Remembrance Day when all people wear little red poppies?” He had no idea what I was talking about.
The generational gap
That night I thought how different our children are compared to our grandparents and great grandparents who went through the horrors of war.
Two centuries. Two different generations.
Russian children born in the 20th century suffered many years of hunger, wars, and political oppression. Our kids have everything – tons of toys, electronics, ipads, iphones, Facebook… And still, our children keep asking for more. They make unreasonable – even absurd demands. They throw tantrums and become hysterical if they don’t get what they want. They want to watch TV and play computer games endlessly. They leave a mess and don’t want to clean it up. They refuse to eat the food they are given. They are picky about everything – food, clothes, toys, friends …
Children born in the 21st century are protected from all possible hazards every step of their lives. Babies won’t know that they are wet because the diapers keep them dry all day long. Toddlers won’t hit themselves against the bed rails because it’s lined with the bumper. Kids will never swallow any wrong medication because all bottles have child-resistant caps.
George Carlin, the great American comedian, once said, “For one thing, there’s too much emphasis on safety; child-proof medicine bottles and fireproof pyjamas, child restraints in car seats, and HELMETS! Bicycle, skateboard, baseball helmets! Kids have to wear helmets now for everything…! Grown-ups have taken all the fun out of being a kid.”Twenty five years ago, when I was in high school, we didn’t have iPads, iPods, Xboxes and hundreds of TV channels. We would finish our homework and go play outside. No one was watching us – it was considered safe. We read lots of books and wrote poems. The school policies were tough, the teachers strict and demanding. We learnt that in order to be successful you have to work hard and put in lot of effort.
Children and technology
Parents think that there is no harm in using a computer or watching TV while having a baby on their lap. They believe that if the baby is not staring directly into the screen then there is nothing wrong with it. Guess what – the researchers have found that even having TV in the background can be harmful for the developing brain because it can affect speech development.
Watching too much TV is not good for children of any age. It hinders their ability to think and learn because their brain becomes over- stimulated. Kids who watch too may cartoons are less creative and perform worse at school.
Are you wondering why children throw tantrums? One of the reasons could surely be sitting still in front of TV for too long, especially if they watch cartoons filled with violence and action. (And most cartoons are like that nowadays). Suddenly, they become hyperactive and even aggressive. Their unused energy needs to get out.
Punishment and reward
So what are we supposed to do? Should we ban TV completely? And how do we keep them busy? Sports and board games are good ways to take kids away from TV. But more importantly, parents have to be role models: if daddy is on the computer all day and mom is on her phone, what habits will your child pick up?
Kids are much smarter than we think. This is why many child educators recommend teaching children good behaviour using the method of negative and positive consequences. A similar approach by the way is used by employers to increase employee performance.
Taking away toys = cutting down the salaries
Time off = letting go
New toy = salary raise
I was advised to make a sticker chart for my son. Every time he finishes his meal on time, cleans after himself or helps me around the house, I put a sticker on the board. After earning a certain number of stickers he gets a new toy. I noticed that when I warn him that I’ll remove some of the stickers if he doesn’t do what I say, he throws a tantrum.
Interestingly, unexpected rewards always work. One time, he decided to babysit his brother. He softly talked to the baby and the baby fell asleep while I was cooking in the kitchen. Well, obviously he earned a sticker. He was so proud. And of course he wanted to do this again.
Little adults and big kids
Why do preschoolers need so many Lego games (or Barbie dolls)? And why does mom need so many pairs of shoes?
Another interesting observation: 4-6 year old boys are obsessed with superheroes, Power Rangers, ninja turtles, and Transformers. Marvel and DC Comics have built an entire industry based on their popular characters – from stickers to underwear. Kids will wear only those clothes that have the images of their favorite characters. Why? And why are ladies of all ages and backgrounds are obsessed with Coach and Michael Corse purses? These are typical examples of how the principle of social proof works. It was described by Professor Robert Cialdini as one of the most powerful weapons of influence. If a lot of other people are doing something, we assume that it’s a good thing to do.
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Kids like to brag. When they get a new toy (boots, mittens, or a pencil case) they have to show it to classmates just to be in the center of attention. What about adults? How often do we hear “Did you see my new car?”, “I’ve taken this with my new Nikon 700”, “Do you know how much we spent on this bathroom?”, or “Here’s me drinking Banana Mama on the beach in Punta Cana…”?
