Those of us
born in 60-70s are sort of lucky. The
sociologists name us Generation X and claim that our childhood was one the
best.
The major
wars, hunger and depression were way behind us, and our grandparents (Baby
Boomers) had built a new life that provided us with everything we needed to be
healthy, happy and successful.
Our parents
worked their tails off to enroll us in good colleges and universities and help
us get on our feet. The teachers were tough and demanding. We had to keep our
noses to the grindstone to get good marks at school.
We didn’t
have smartphones and Lego, but we did read a lot of books. We spent more time
outdoors, playing by ourselves, no adults watching us. Inspired by the first astronauts
and Herbert Wells we dreamt of travelling to another galaxy and building our
own time machine. We were always inventing, designing, creating something.
It was our
generation that created Internet, PlayStation, TV shows about vampires,
smartphones and of course, the social web.
Our
children, the generations Y & Z, the so called Millennials, are victims of
our inventions.
They spend most
of their time playing computer games and watching TV.
They have a
need to be constantly entertained but they don’t know how to entertain
themselves. The endless animation series, the fast cutting scenes of computer
games fill their heads with imagery and sounds leaving no space for creativity
and slowing down their cognitive development.
Gen Y grew
up with technology, so being connected and tech savvy is in their DNA. Equipped
with the latest technology and gadgets Generation Y is online and connected
24/7, 365 days a year.
And here is
the paradox! The Generation X is beginning to adopt the values and the
lifestyle of the Generation Y. We are transforming into the social web addicts,
dependent on our smartphones, showcasing our personal lives to the rest of the
world and crafting our social web image.
For the last
5-6 years checking the Facebook news feed has been my usual morning routine. I’ve
been spending anywhere from 15 min to half hour going through endless posts
containing photos of family celebrations, vacations, weddings, absurd videos
that went viral, meaningless jokes, political propaganda and moms’ groups
discussions. I am not sure why I am so addicted to navigating through this
infoglut.
Apparently,
I am not the only one wasting my precious morning time. About 80% of smartphone users check their phones
before brushing their teeth .
The social
media has become the best source to stay informed on anything be it of utmost
importance or absolute uselessness.
And that’s
why it was meant to be a platform for crafting one’s “social image”.
Have you
noticed how Facebook always shows you the shiniest moments of your friends’
life? It makes you think that their life is absolutely perfect and filled with endless
fun. They seem to be always in a good mood -
enjoying themselves, going out, sitting on the beach, having drinks or
eating delicious meals in restaurants.
For most of
us who grew up before the Facebook era, having 50-100 Facebook friends seems sufficient.
Facebook is just a convenient way to exchange photos with relatives and
friends. For Gen Xers, the social web is
more than just a virtual photo album. It’s part of their lifestyle.
300 to 1000 friends
on Facebook and probably even more on Instagram seems to be a norm for the Millenials.
I recently learnt that 150 is the maximum number of social relationships a
person can maintain ( according to Robyn Dunbar). So
who are the rest 150-850?
They simply
exist there as an invisible audience required for
obsessions with self-image.
Researchers at Western Illinois University found that people who score highly on the Narcissistic
Personality Inventory questionnaire had more friends on Facebook and updated
their status updates more regularly comparing to the ones who scored fewer.
People who have a heightened need to feel good
about themselves are more likely to “friend” anyone they know or barely know – from co-workers and ex-classmates
to random people they met once, or had never even met (“accepting friend
requests from strangers”)
Perhaps, you
heard the term “image crafting” - the act of carefully
and deliberately constructing one’s social media content to control the way
others view their life.
No wonder most social media feeds read
like a modern-day fairy tale, where every moment is wondrous, every interaction
with friends is more precious than the last, and even the mundane (coffee with
the girls! look at my lunch! stuck in traffic!) is a magical experience.
As this author writes “Americans have been obsessed with celebrity culture for
decades, hence the unbelievable success of reality TV shows and TMZ. That
obsession is driven by the natural human desire to feel special, to feel like
you matter. Once social media, specifically Twitter and Instagram, opened the
floodgates and let the general public not just peek behind the curtain, but
walk around backstage and get a more intimate look at the lives of the
celebrities they obsess over, the ability to pretend to be famous,
became easier than ever..
…Now we’re all sitting around judging each other, and,
more importantly, ourselves, based on how many likes or retweets or double-taps
we get. It’s insane.”
Sadly, people’s real lives are so much far
away from being that perfect the way social web projects them. In reality our
existence is filled with daily chores, struggles and miseries. But “friends”
are not supposed to know about them, they should only see the bright side.
(From “Why
Generation Y Yuppies Are Unhappy”)
What happens as a result? It harms people's perception of reality.
Comparison is a dangerous thing. Constantly
comparing oneself against a carefully crafted ideal is a sure recipe for
jealousy, disappointment, and malcontent with your own life. Nobody’s life is
that perfect, but everyone’s collective image crafting makes it hard for
society as a whole to develop and project more authentic expectations.
Because of our image crafting, we lose the
opportunity to connect authentically with those we love. Relationships become
as fake as your feed: “How’s your job? Amazing! How are the kids? Amazing! How
are your workouts going? Let me guess… Amazing!” No one shares the hard things,
the real things, and your relationships never progress past the amazing fairy tale
recitations for fear of disturbing the image you have so carefully constructed.
….
The 50 shades of the modern love
I often hear
from both men and women how hard it is nowadays to find a partner for a long
term relationship. If women instinctively know that marriage is an important
milestone that needs to be reached one way or another, men are not in a hurry
to get married. Most men in their 30s feel that they haven’t grown up yet, that
their best time of life just begins, and marriage is a necessary evil that can
wait for a while.
“Friends
with benefits” or “no strings attached” is a very common style of relationship
amongst Generation-Yers. They go out, have fun, make love and then get back to
their lives like nothing happened. They don’t talk much about their feelings or
plans for the future.
Building a
career is the reason number one why marriage is given less and less importance.
Establishing oneself in a business world can take quite a while depending on
individual preferences and goals. Some aim to land an executive job in a fast
growing corporation, others won’t stop until they build a successful business
of their own. All are busy and value their time more than anything. Walks under
the moon, three hour conversations about meaning of life would be a complete
waste of time for them.
Millennials
are not interested in the romantic aspects of love. They do, however, get excited
about abnormal, exotic forms of sexuality. I always wondered why “50 shades of
grey” was so popular amongst the youth. Could
it be giving them the same kind of thrill they get from alcohol and drugs? Or
maybe, it’s just a quick and easy recipe to fill in the emptiness of the inner
world? Same as Facebook and Instagram, or marihuana.
Humans have
a need for love, and if there is no love, then the soul is empty and looking
for something to fill in that emptiness. This is why I put social media and TV
on par with drugs and booze. They are just artificial ingredients that replace a
real life experience.
Nowadays a
lot of people have become very health-conscious and strive to eat organic
products, free of hormones, antibiotics and GMO. So why not take the same care
of your soul?
Another
reason why the modern generation is losing the ability to love is the pop
culture they grew up with. They learnt everything about love from Hollywood
movies and not from Shakespeare or Tolstoy.
The problem with the pop culture is that it creates unrealistic
expectations. Expectations that leave people disappointed and confused at the
end, because they are so used to the idea that any love story should have a
happy ending.
“We’ve been
fooled into believing perfection is attainable.
It’s not.
Never has been, never will be, and yet, we are all looking for that perfect
individual. We are all looking to become that perfect individual. Sadly, we’re
all going to fail, and it’s going to suck. No matter how unrealistic our
expectations are, the disappointment we feel when they aren’t achieved is very
real.
The grass
always seems greener on the other side. But who the hell told you to look for
greener grass?” (“10 Reasons Why This Generation Is Losing
The Ability To Be In Love”)
“
The western economy created a world where
everything and anything can be easily and instantly accessible, be it news,
food, entertainment or pleasure.
What does
this do to humans? It makes them lazy. A habit that tends to seep into their
love lives.
I like to compare the pop culture and social media with fast food. It
looks, smells and tastes really good, but does it make you healthy?
Does it stimulate your brain in such a way that you would want to
explore the world, ponder, analyze, seek answers and finally create something
of your own?
No, all it does is make you want more fun. Addictive fun.
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