Some interesting facts for people ( especially women ) who think that being skinny is good

One of the reasons why I have a weak stomach is because I wasn’t well fed in my childhood. Both my parents worked full-time, long hours, and they didn’t know how to cook kids meals. They were relying on the food provided at the daycare and later at school, and as far as I remember it was always horrible. 

There are kids who can eat anything, even garbage, and there those who are “picky eaters” and I was one of those (and both my children are like that).

Add to that the fact that there was shortage of foods available to general public in 1980s in Russia. Sausage, cheese, meets, tea, coffee were considered “luxury” foods and could be purchased only by special “tickets” distributed amongst families in limited quantities. Just having a ticket wasn’t enough - people had to stand in long lines to purchase these foods and some arrived at the store at 6am to take their spot in the line so those who’d come in the evening (like my parents) would get leftovers or nothing. 

I remember one day ( I was 8 or 9) when I came to the store with my mom and we stood in a line to buy sausage that I really liked, we stood there for 2 hours and it was finished right before our turn... I was crying :-)

Also it was common in Russia to live with grandparents ( some families lived with them in the same apartment, others lived in the same town). Most kids whose parents worked would go to grandparents houses after school and Russian grandparents were masters of making delicious food out of nothing. Their generation survived the war and real hunger, so despite all the deficit of groceries they knew their way how to feed a family (particularly grandmothers). My grandmother was like that too but she lived far away from us and when I was sent to her ( usually during holidays) I gained weight. (BTW, I learnt how to make pancakes from my grandmother. She was a wonderful human being who unfortunately had to suffer from a lot of illnesses).

But most of the time when I was at school I was very very skinny looking almost anorexic. In our family everyone has a very light complexion (thin bones as my dad says), so when we eat poorly we tend to lose weight very quickly and people (well especially Russians and other Easy Europeans who often have a habit to say to your face everything they think of you) often make comments about  how skinny we are. 

I was constantly teased at school by other kids about my weight. This was probably the only weakness I had compared to other students and was exploited pretty well (oh kids could be masters of manipulation when they want to use you). In terms of school performance I was the top student in my class and the 2nd top student in my grade, and in Russian schools kids who performed better than average were often disliked, teased and bullied. Many just wanted me to let them copycat my homework others did this because of the “crowd effect”.

I started having stomach problems when I was in Grade 1.  I had an endoscopy done twice (without anesthesia) when I was a child, was very susceptible to all forms of gastroenteritis, was hospitalized at least twice... 

When I finished school and went to a university I started eating better and gained some weight, however it was difficult to maintain a diet I needed so I continued having problems and at the time when I had to take the medical exam required for immigration to Canada, the doctor was shocked by my weight (112 lb at that time) and informed me that in Canada such low weight would be considered a sign of a medical disorder. 

Nonetheless, I moved to Canada and after 2 years of being a housewife gained 11 lb and almost got rid of all my stomach problems because I learnt to cook for myself.

Now here is the reason why I am sharing this story. People often tell me that I eat too much. Particularly, they make this comment because they can’t figure out how I can eat so much and stay so thin. Sometimes I bring a lot of food for lunch and just can’t finish it. Where do you think it comes from? It comes from the fear of loosing weight, it’s an emotional problem that takes roots from the childhood issues described above. I don’t think I can easily overcome this fear, not without a psychologist. Even though I understand it sometimes I just can’t control it... And sadly, overeating often makes me sick...

The Real Price of Social Media, or Why I Am Addicted to Facebook

I want to share a secret about myself – I am addicted to Facebook.

Every morning, when I wake up, the first thing I do is I reach for my phone and open Facebook. I spend at least 15 min first of all checking how many likes I got on the last photo I posted and from whom. Secondly, I scroll through the news feed to see what other people posted - pictures of cute kids, cats, dogs, happy faces, weird faces, and sometimes very disturbing stuff.

Question – why do I keep doing this every morning when I know very well that it’s a waste of time?

I decided to do some research on this subject. Turns out, I am not the only one wasting my precious morning time. 80% of smartphone users do the same thing - they check the social apps on their phones before brushing their teeth.

We all know how Facebook started – as a social network site for students at Harvard. It had only 4,000 users at that time. Now it’s used by 1.6 billion people across the world.

Maybe it would never grow beyond the size of a student network if smart marketers didn’t figure how to take advantage of it.

Why do so many people use Facebook?

There is this type of people who post 5-6 selfies of themselves in a day. I used to do that too. “Hey, here is me, driving my brand new car to work”, “Me, working so hard at my desk”, “Gym time – Can you believe I just did 20 sit-ups? Look at my abs”. What else? A Duckface Selfie. The list goes on.

The success of social media is based on humans’ need for attention. People simply don’t get enough attention in their real life. It’s abnormal to seek constant attention in real life. But it’s absolutely normal in social media – everyone does it. Facebook and Instagram create an ideal environment for obsession with self-image. The popularity of one’s image in social media is measured by the number of “likes”, “followers” and comments. It becomes a competition - who'll get the most number of likes?

Guess what? It was all designed on purpose by some clever people who invented this “sharing” culture. They encourage us to tell more about our private lives. You open Facebook and the first question you see is “What’s on your mind?” or “Where are you right now?” or “Who are you with?”

All details of our personal life that we share through the social media is a goldmine for advertisers. They pay a lot of money to get access to that data. The more we share about ourselves the easier it is for them to market to us their goods.

We think it’s free to use social media. But the cost of this gigantic platform, the salaries of developers, the data centers space are all paid by the dollars we’ll spend later on movie tickets, clothes, restaurants and vacations advertised to us. That’s what makes the social media profitable and fuels its growth.

The second reason why social media is so popular is Curiosity… that killed the cat.

Nowadays humans’ attention span has become very short. In fact, a recent study found a goldfish has a longer attention span than humans. Why? It’s all thanks to smartphones and information overload.

Nobody wants to read a long article, especially if there are no big colorful pictures in it. No-one wants to watch a YouTube video if it's longer than two minutes or if it doesn't make us laugh or cry every 10 seconds.

And if you think about this, the content these days is not really about the message, it’s about the presentation.

Everything we see on social media is fascinating, exciting, eye-popping. The stories compete for our attention. Eventually we become satiated, desensitized. And we also very quickly forget everything we read or watched on social media.

Remember the photo of a dress that went viral? The dress that divided the entire planet? Half of the world was saying the dress was white and gold, and the other half claimed it was blue and black. Couples were breaking up because they couldn’t agree. Newspapers forgot about politics and focused on the dress. Scientists were doing studies about the dress color. The buzz around the dress lasted for a couple of weeks. And then everyone forgot about it.

What does this example teach us? The most viral content gets forgotten.

If I wake you up in the middle of a night and ask you what was the story of Romeo and Juliette all about, would you be able to tell me right away?

And if I wake you up in the middle of a night, and ask you to share with me any of the “45 incredibly amazing facts that you didn’t know can blow your mind” that you yesterday read about on Facebook, would you remember any of them?

Exactly.

The stories on social media are like fast food. They look, smell and taste really nice the moment we consume them. But do they leave those good nutrients in our system that make us happier and smarter?

Does the social media encourage us to explore the world, ponder, analyze, seek answers and finally create something of our own?

No, all it does is make us want more fun. Addictive fun.

And that is why I am addicted to Facebook.

Some thoughts about generations, social media and love

Those of us born in 60-70s are sort of lucky.  The sociologists name us Generation X and claim that our childhood was one the best.

The major wars, hunger and depression were way behind us, and our grandparents (Baby Boomers) had built a new life that provided us with everything we needed to be healthy, happy and successful.

Our parents worked their tails off to enroll us in good colleges and universities and help us get on our feet. The teachers were tough and demanding. We had to keep our noses to the grindstone to get good marks at school.

We didn’t have smartphones and Lego, but we did read a lot of books. We spent more time outdoors, playing by ourselves, no adults watching us. Inspired by the first astronauts and Herbert Wells we dreamt of travelling to another galaxy and building our own time machine. We were always inventing, designing, creating something.

It was our generation that created Internet, PlayStation, TV shows about vampires, smartphones and of course, the social web.

Our children, the generations Y & Z, the so called Millennials, are victims of our inventions.

They spend most of their time playing computer games and watching TV.

They have a need to be constantly entertained but they don’t know how to entertain themselves. The endless animation series, the fast cutting scenes of computer games fill their heads with imagery and sounds leaving no space for creativity and slowing down their cognitive development.

Gen Y grew up with technology, so being connected and tech savvy is in their DNA. Equipped with the latest technology and gadgets Generation Y is online and connected 24/7, 365 days a year.

And here is the paradox! The Generation X is beginning to adopt the values and the lifestyle of the Generation Y. We are transforming into the social web addicts, dependent on our smartphones, showcasing our personal lives to the rest of the world and crafting our social web image.

For the last 5-6 years checking the Facebook news feed has been my usual morning routine. I’ve been spending anywhere from 15 min to half hour going through endless posts containing photos of family celebrations, vacations, weddings, absurd videos that went viral, meaningless jokes, political propaganda and moms’ groups discussions. I am not sure why I am so addicted to navigating through this infoglut.

Apparently, I am not the only one wasting my precious morning time. About 80% of smartphone users check their phones before brushing their teeth .

The social media has become the best source to stay informed on anything be it of utmost importance or absolute uselessness.

And that’s why it was meant to be a platform for crafting one’s “social image”.

Have you noticed how Facebook always shows you the shiniest moments of your friends’ life? It makes you think that their life is absolutely perfect and filled with endless fun. They seem to be always in a good mood -  enjoying themselves, going out, sitting on the beach, having drinks or eating delicious meals in restaurants.

For most of us who grew up before the Facebook era, having 50-100 Facebook friends seems sufficient. Facebook is just a convenient way to exchange photos with relatives and friends.  For Gen Xers, the social web is more than just a virtual photo album. It’s part of their lifestyle.

300 to 1000 friends on Facebook and probably even more on Instagram seems to be a norm for the Millenials. I recently learnt that 150 is the maximum number of social relationships a person can maintain ( according to Robyn Dunbar). So who are the rest 150-850?

They simply exist there as an invisible audience required for obsessions with self-image.

Researchers at Western Illinois University found that people who score highly on the Narcissistic Personality Inventory questionnaire had more friends on Facebook and updated their status updates more regularly comparing to the ones who scored fewer.

People who have a heightened need to feel good about themselves are more likely to “friend” anyone they know or barely know – from co-workers and ex-classmates to random people they met once, or had never even met (“accepting friend requests from strangers”)

Perhaps, you heard the term “image crafting” - the act of carefully and deliberately constructing one’s social media content to control the way others view their life.

No wonder most social media feeds read like a modern-day fairy tale, where every moment is wondrous, every interaction with friends is more precious than the last, and even the mundane (coffee with the girls! look at my lunch! stuck in traffic!) is a magical experience.

As this author writes “Americans have been obsessed with celebrity culture for decades, hence the unbelievable success of reality TV shows and TMZ. That obsession is driven by the natural human desire to feel special, to feel like you matter. Once social media, specifically Twitter and Instagram, opened the floodgates and let the general public not just peek behind the curtain, but walk around backstage and get a more intimate look at the lives of the celebrities they obsess over, the ability to pretend to be famous, became easier than ever..

…Now we’re all sitting around judging each other, and, more importantly, ourselves, based on how many likes or retweets or double-taps we get. It’s insane.”

Sadly, people’s real lives are so much far away from being that perfect the way social web projects them. In reality our existence is filled with daily chores, struggles and miseries. But “friends” are not supposed to know about them, they should only see the bright side.

 

(From “Why Generation Y Yuppies Are Unhappy”)

What happens as a result? It harms people's perception of reality.

Comparison is a dangerous thing. Constantly comparing oneself against a carefully crafted ideal is a sure recipe for jealousy, disappointment, and malcontent with your own life. Nobody’s life is that perfect, but everyone’s collective image crafting makes it hard for society as a whole to develop and project more authentic expectations.

Because of our image crafting, we lose the opportunity to connect authentically with those we love. Relationships become as fake as your feed: “How’s your job? Amazing! How are the kids? Amazing! How are your workouts going? Let me guess… Amazing!” No one shares the hard things, the real things, and your relationships never progress past the amazing fairy tale recitations for fear of disturbing the image you have so carefully constructed.

….

The 50 shades of the modern love

I often hear from both men and women how hard it is nowadays to find a partner for a long term relationship. If women instinctively know that marriage is an important milestone that needs to be reached one way or another, men are not in a hurry to get married. Most men in their 30s feel that they haven’t grown up yet, that their best time of life just begins, and marriage is a necessary evil that can wait for a while.

“Friends with benefits” or “no strings attached” is a very common style of relationship amongst Generation-Yers. They go out, have fun, make love and then get back to their lives like nothing happened. They don’t talk much about their feelings or plans for the future.

Building a career is the reason number one why marriage is given less and less importance. Establishing oneself in a business world can take quite a while depending on individual preferences and goals. Some aim to land an executive job in a fast growing corporation, others won’t stop until they build a successful business of their own. All are busy and value their time more than anything. Walks under the moon, three hour conversations about meaning of life would be a complete waste of time for them.

Millennials are not interested in the romantic aspects of love. They do, however, get excited about abnormal, exotic forms of sexuality. I always wondered why “50 shades of grey” was so popular amongst the youth.  Could it be giving them the same kind of thrill they get from alcohol and drugs? Or maybe, it’s just a quick and easy recipe to fill in the emptiness of the inner world? Same as Facebook and Instagram, or marihuana.

Humans have a need for love, and if there is no love, then the soul is empty and looking for something to fill in that emptiness. This is why I put social media and TV on par with drugs and booze. They are just artificial ingredients that replace a real life experience.

Nowadays a lot of people have become very health-conscious and strive to eat organic products, free of hormones, antibiotics and GMO. So why not take the same care of your soul?

Another reason why the modern generation is losing the ability to love is the pop culture they grew up with. They learnt everything about love from Hollywood movies and not from Shakespeare or Tolstoy.  The problem with the pop culture is that it creates unrealistic expectations. Expectations that leave people disappointed and confused at the end, because they are so used to the idea that any love story should have a happy ending.

“We’ve been fooled into believing perfection is attainable.

It’s not. Never has been, never will be, and yet, we are all looking for that perfect individual. We are all looking to become that perfect individual. Sadly, we’re all going to fail, and it’s going to suck. No matter how unrealistic our expectations are, the disappointment we feel when they aren’t achieved is very real.

The grass always seems greener on the other side. But who the hell told you to look for greener grass?” (“10 Reasons Why This Generation Is Losing The Ability To Be In Love”)

“

 The western economy created a world where everything and anything can be easily and instantly accessible, be it news, food, entertainment or pleasure.

What does this do to humans? It makes them lazy. A habit that tends to seep into their love lives.

I like to compare the pop culture and social media with fast food. It looks, smells and tastes really good, but does it make you healthy?

Does it stimulate your brain in such a way that you would want to explore the world, ponder, analyze, seek answers and finally create something of your own?

No, all it does is make you want more fun. Addictive fun.

The Future of My Closet

Once I had a dream about the future… I get up in the morning and walk up to my closet. Instead of the door the closet has a large flat screen mysteriously shimmering in the dark. I touch the screen and it lights up and displays many colourful icons.

“What would you like to look like today?” asks the screen and offers me eight choices to pick from:
 - a romantic dreamer
- an urban fashionista
- a reckless teen
- a sporty mommy
- a neat housewife
- a naughty girl….

“Well, I think I tried all of them already… I want to be something new!” The screen thinks for a minute. “In this case, please feel free to choose any item from our catalogue”. I search the catalogue and find a slim black dress with vibrant blooms scattered across the bodice, and black velvet platform pumps with scarlet roses print, golden heels and golden buckles…. “This will work!” I smile and press “Submit Your Order” button at the bottom of the screen.

“You order has been submitted and will be shipped in 30 minutes. Thank you for using “My Caprice”.

In only half an hour after showering and breakfast the doorbell rings. I open the door and receive a paper bag with “My Caprice” logo. The bag has the dress and the shoes…

The next day I order a new dress and new shoes. Every day I order a new outfit that gets shipped to my house in a paper bag.

How much do you think this service costs? Where do I keep all the clothes and shoes I order? I don’t keep them anywhere and it costs me no more than a TV subscription. How is that possible?

Once I’ve used the clothes I take them to “My Caprice Clothing Return Drop Box” located at all major intersections of the city. “My Caprice” is one of the many clothing rental providers available in the market. Clothes collected at the drop boxes are shipped to a giant dry cleaning factory where several mega tons of used clothing is processed daily. Once cleaned the clothes become like brand new.

The cleaned clothing is sent to warehouses where it gets itemized and categorized. The warehouses are connected to the central database which is linked to the application running on the terminals installed in every home’s closet. The customers pay a yearly subscription for the service. There are different plans available depending on the clothes quality, designs and target market demographics.

The traditional “retail” shopping still exists. However, clothing rental services become more and more popular. How did this happen?

In a country where bad weather lasts three seasons out of four, and driving in traffic is a huge hassle , more and more people preferred online shopping to visiting a store. The biggest issue was lack of storage. People kept buying clothes and storing them in closets. With time, clothes weren’t fitting well anymore, or they were going out of fashion, or people simply became bored with them. Clothes were taking more and more space, producing dust and causing allergies.

Considering the fact that consumers use clothes for a short period of time, quickly replacing them with the new ones, manufacturers realized that quality is not of much importance to consumers. Eventually, the quality of clothing became so poor that after two washes most garments were discarded, causing significant harm to the environment.

This is when a group of scientists decided to popularize the concept of mass clothing rental. The idea mostly favoured by women thrived on the fact that every woman’s secret desire to wear a different outfit every single day of a year.

They capitalized on the fact that women don’t buy clothing for its own sake. They buy the looks created by the clothing. Companies like “My Caprice” were able to meet that demand.

Any radical new idea will receive its share of criticism. Some people consider it inappropriate to wear used clothes due to religious, cultural and hygienic reasons. That is utterly strange as they share lots of other things with strangers every day. When they go to restaurants, they eat food from the plates that were previously used by others. When they stay in hotel rooms, they sleep on top of bed sheets that someone else had previously slept on. When they are admitted to hospitals, they wear robes that were worn by many others…

Eventually even the most raging opponents of this idea had to change their mind. Mainly, due to the environmental benefits of the new concept. Reusing items means less waste, less cleaning substances and less plastic ending up in landfills. The quality and durability of clothing also improved. They started using more natural, eco-friendly and recyclable materials, which helped improve people’s overall health and well-being…

I kept contemplating about other long-term benefits of this idea, but suddenly I woke up from my dream. I opened my closet and saw how many clothes I had in there... For the last three years I have been obsessed with buying new clothes calling it my “retail therapy”. I had so much stuff that I didn’t know where anything was. I decided that it was time to get rid of some of my clothes instead of buying new ones. This is how “Shop My Closet” idea was born. Today, it’s a fast growing Facebook Group consisting of over 1000 members. I hope that with your help, we can spread the word, so that one day we could reach 10,000 members. People have to change their attitude towards the use of clothing. Consumerism is wrong. If we care about our planet, our environment we have to start living by the principle of the “Three R’s: Reduce, Reuse, and Recycle.

Read more about Sustainable Clothing and Clothing Swapping here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sustainable_clothing

https://www.facebook.com/groups/ShopMyClosetGTA/

The 21st Century Kids

Where is my eagle?

One day I was picking up my six year old son from school. As usual, he was sitting at the table with three other boys constructing something out of Lego. All of a sudden he gave me a very serious look and said, "I want an eagle." "You mean an eagle toy?" "No, I want a live eagle!" For the next two weeks, each time I showed up in his classroom doorway, he was asking me the same question, “Where is my eagle? Did you get me the eagle?”

I tried to change the subject once. “Do you want to know about the Eaglet?” Eaglet is a Soviet Russian song from the 1930s dedicated to a heroic young soldier who was captured by the enemies and is about to be killed. “You mean those soldiers who we commemorate on the Remembrance Day when all people wear little red poppies?” He had no idea what I was talking about.

The generational gap 

That night I thought how different our children are compared to our grandparents and great grandparents who went through the horrors of war.

Two centuries. Two different generations.

Russian children born in the 20th century suffered many years of hunger, wars, and political oppression. Our kids have everything – tons of toys, electronics, ipads, iphones, Facebook… And still, our children keep asking for more. They make unreasonable – even  absurd demands. They throw tantrums and become hysterical if they don’t get what they want. They want to watch TV and play computer games endlessly. They leave a mess and don’t want to clean it up. They refuse to eat the food they are given. They are picky about everything – food, clothes, toys, friends …

Children born in the 21st century are protected from all possible hazards every step of their lives. Babies won’t know that they are wet because the diapers keep them dry all day long. Toddlers won’t hit themselves against the bed rails because it’s lined with the bumper. Kids will never swallow any wrong medication because all bottles have child-resistant caps.

George Carlin, the great American comedian, once said, “For one thing, there’s too much emphasis on safety; child-proof medicine bottles and fireproof pyjamas, child restraints in car seats, and HELMETS! Bicycle, skateboard, baseball helmets! Kids have to wear helmets now for everything…! Grown-ups have taken all the fun out of being a kid.”

Twenty five years ago, when I was in high school, we didn’t have iPads, iPods, Xboxes and hundreds of TV channels. We would finish our homework and go play outside. No one was watching us – it was considered safe. We read lots of books and wrote poems. The school policies were tough, the teachers strict and demanding. We learnt that in order to be successful you have to work hard and put in lot of effort.

Children and technology

Over the last 15 years, technology has changed our lifestyle and the environment in which our children are growing. We can’t live without our devices – we are texting, tweeting, posting, and instagramming every minute of every day. Kids become a part of this gigantic social web from the day they are born when the picture of a newborn appears on their parents’ Facebook timeline. For some kids this happens even earlier when their parents-to-be post ultrasound images.

Parents think that there is no harm in using a computer or watching TV while having a baby on their lap. They believe that if the baby is not staring directly into the screen then there is nothing wrong with it. Guess what – the researchers have found that even having TV in the background can be harmful for the developing brain because it can affect speech development.


Watching too much TV is not good for children of any age. It hinders their ability to think and learn because their brain becomes over- stimulated. Kids who watch too may cartoons are less creative and perform worse at school.

Are you wondering why children throw tantrums? One of the reasons could surely be sitting still in front of TV for too long, especially if they watch cartoons filled with violence and action. (And most cartoons are like that nowadays). Suddenly, they become hyperactive and even aggressive. Their unused energy needs to get out.


Punishment and reward 

So what are we supposed to do? Should we ban TV completely? And how do we keep them busy? Sports and board games are good ways to take kids away from TV. But more importantly, parents have to be role models: if daddy is on the computer all day and mom is on her phone, what habits will your child pick up?

Kids are much smarter than we think. This is why many child educators recommend teaching children good behaviour using the method of negative and positive consequences. A similar approach by the way is used by employers to increase employee performance.

Taking away toys = cutting down the salaries
Time off = letting go
New toy = salary raise

I was advised to make a sticker chart for my son. Every time he finishes his meal on time, cleans after himself or helps me around the house, I put a sticker on the board. After earning a certain number of stickers he gets a new toy. I noticed that when I warn him that I’ll remove some of the stickers if he doesn’t do what I say, he throws a tantrum.

Interestingly, unexpected rewards always work. One time, he decided to babysit his brother. He softly talked to the baby and the baby fell asleep while I was cooking in the kitchen. Well, obviously he earned a sticker. He was so proud. And of course he wanted to do this again.

Little adults and big kids 

Speaking of role modelling, children often act like grown-ups while adults behave like kids. I went to Walmart to buy a hair band. I couldn’t choose which one I needed and took two. Meanwhile, my son got himself three electric toothbrushes: A Transformer one, a Batman one and another one with something else on it. “Why would you need three toothbrushes?” I asked. “And why do you need two hair bands?” I didn’t know what to say, but I put one band back on the shelf.

Why do preschoolers need so many Lego games (or Barbie dolls)? And why does mom need so many pairs of shoes?

Another interesting observation: 4-6 year old boys are obsessed with superheroes, Power Rangers, ninja turtles, and Transformers. Marvel and DC Comics have built an entire industry based on their popular characters – from stickers to underwear. Kids will wear only those clothes that have the images of their favorite characters. Why? And why are ladies of all ages and backgrounds are obsessed with Coach and Michael Corse purses? These are typical examples of how the principle of social proof works. It was described by Professor Robert Cialdini as one of the most powerful weapons of influence. If a lot of other people are doing something, we assume that it’s a good thing to do.


****************

Kids like to brag. When they get a new toy (boots, mittens, or a pencil case) they have to show it to classmates just to be in the center of attention. What about adults? How often do we hear “Did you see my new car?”, “I’ve taken this with my new Nikon 700”, “Do you know how much we spent on this bathroom?”, or “Here’s me drinking Banana Mama on the beach in Punta Cana…”?

Facebook and other social media have thrived on people’s need to be liked and admired. Whenever someone responds to our comment, or "likes" our photo, it nurtures our ego and makes us feel special. In fact, social web is a much more addictive toy than Lego, Barbie or any other child’s toy. But if parents can tell children to stop playing and start learning, who’s going to convince adults to stop wasting time on Facebook and start doing more valuable things in their lives?

The Emotional Adventure of A Pregnant Lady

Dedicated to all new mothers and mothers-to-be 

Whenever people see a pregnant woman the first question they ask her is “when is she due?” They are curious whether she is having a boy or a girl. They wonder about the tiny life developing inside and try to imagine what the newborn will look like. But they are rarely interested in the mother herself, her thoughts, feelings and emotions. What a shame! Pregnancy is quite an adventure.

When I was pregnant I had all kinds of weird feelings and emotions. It reminded me Alice’s journey “through the looking glass”. Everything seemed so unrealistic and distorted. Here is my story.

When I saw a goat in a car 

One day I was driving from work to pick up my son from school. As usual, I got stuck in traffic somewhere on the 16th Avenue. All of a sudden, I saw a goat’s head hanging out of a car’s window and grinning at me offensively. I briefly looked at the goat and I swear I also saw a mix of a spider and a pig, sitting next to it and also grinning. Was I dreaming?

Maybe. I was very tired and sleepy that day, and it was just about to rain. Later I figured that the goat was the product of my imagination and in reality I saw a male with a long beard and a creepy look…

Did you notice how our emotional and physical state affects our perception of the reality? When we are in a good mood, everything and everyone seem so pretty.


A pregnant woman goes through emotional ups and downs. Sometimes she becomes unnecessarily fearful and anxious about things that others don’t even notice.

The goat in the car is not the only example. Here is another one. This time my son was with me in the car. He told me that a man is staring at him. Guess what? I immediately assumed that some pervert is looking at my child and I pushed the gas pedal. Shortly after, I started imagining that there are perverts everywhere – driving cars, walking on the streets…

The crime rate in Toronto is relatively low compared to let’s say Moscow or New York. Nevertheless, any time something happens in our city, the media tends to exaggerate the news trying to grab our attention and increase their audience rate. And how does that affect a pregnant lady? After watching or reading these news stories all day long she can easily become restless and even lose her sleep, imagining that there may be kidnappers, terrorists or other bad guys somewhere nearby.

The power of emotions

Emotions can be very powerful and hard to control. Imagine a long day at work, an endless boring meeting. The boss makes a bitter remark about your low productivity. The weather is nasty. You get stuck in traffic on the way home. You are tired. Your child throws a tantrum. You start feeling a snowball of anger building up in your chest. You come home and you see your significant other being too busy to give you the attention you deserve. At this moment all you need is a small trigger so that you could blow off your steam. You find that trigger and you don’t even notice how your anger turns into a rage.

“Rage is a much stronger emotion than anger. When you rage, you lose self control and adrenalin and cortisol prepare you to fight. You heat up and go from zero to one hundred twenty miles an hour in ten seconds in a run-away giant semi. And you are not in control of the wheel. Someone very nasty has the pedal to the metal and ugly things are coming out of the mouth…” Lynne Namka “When Shame Becomes Rage”

Later on, after you get some sleep, calm down and relax, you realize how much you overreacted. You regret the things you said and that you passed your stress onto another person.

There are of course very self-controlled people who never lose their temper and never get angry. Women who experience a sudden change in the hormones levels (during PMS, pregnancy or menopause) are more prone to be short-tempered.

By the way, here are ten great anger management tips from Mayo Clinic which I found helpful.

Beware of the Vampire 

Jordan Davis, the author of The Power of Persuasion audio course, says that in order for a person to be believed an emotional connection must be made. Some people make us feel very comfortable and that’s why we trust them. Others don’t. No matter how smart and intelligent someone can be we won’t take them seriously if we find them emotionally draining and annoying (Sheldon Cooper: “I am annoying! Go ahead, say it! I am annoying!”)

This is particularly true when it comes to so called energy vampires.

When we meet them for the first time they may seem nice and charming. They usually try very hard to make a good impression. After a while we start feeling drained and exhausted in their presence and we wonder why.

A pregnant woman, in particular, should beware of energy vampires. They can make her feel dizzy or give her a headache. How do you tell whether a person is an energy vampire? They come in different forms.

Blabbermouths will keep jabbering just to get your attention. 95% of what they say is an endless and aimless story about their own deeds and achievements. There is usually not much logic in what they talk about – they jump from one topic to another and once they finish they make you feel like an idiot because you didn’t get their point.

I once spoke to a guy who was trying to sell me Internet Marketing services. The conversation lasted about 45 min during which I barely managed to say a word. He kept bragging about his business being the top SEO provider in the city. At the end of his pitch, I learned that their services were ridiculously expensive. What a waste of time and energy this was.

Another type is a nagger – someone who is always unhappy for one reason or another and makes a big deal out of every little thing. They tend to micromanage and be in your face with unrealistic demands…

I’ve learnt that one way to avoid the negative effect of energy vampires is to visualize a protective energy shield around yourself. They will keep yelling, yapping or pushing themselves into your sphere, but they won't be able to cut through your buffer zone in order to drain you of your energy. There is only one problem with this method – to achieve such an effect you need to have a lot of energy to start with, something that pregnant women are usually deprived of.

The light at the end of the tunnel 

After I had my baby, I didn’t come out of the house for a few of weeks. Sleep deprivation, lack of sunlight and weakened immune system took its toll – I ended up with some sort of baby blues. On top of everything I was sick for about a month and a half – sore throat, ear pain, cough, the list goes on. The doctor said that I got some nasty virus from my older son and should be prepared to be ill for quite a while. Not a very optimistic prognosis.

Being sick gets me into a vicious circle. Normally a very active person, I start feeling miserable because I have to hold my horses and take it easy. In other words, I need to get lots of rest and don’t do much. On the other side, research has found that when people feel blue it affects their immune system and slows down the recovery process.

The best remedy for depression 

Once I started getting some sleep, taking walks in the park and exercising I felt rejuvenated … both physically and emotionally.

Later I discovered that our pain tolerance can be controlled. It depends on our mood and energy level. The more energy we have the easier it is to deal with sickness and pain.

I decided that if I ever start feeling sick again I will pretend that I don’t feel it or try to convince myself that I am getting better the next day. Surprisingly, this works better than any medicine.

Sheril Sandberg, Facebook’s CEO, once wrote in her “Lean in” book: “When I don’t feel confident, one tactic I’ve learned is that it sometimes helps to fake it… I discovered this when I was an aerobics instructor in the 1980s… Influenced by the gospel of Jane Fonda, aerobics also meant smiling solidly for a full hour. Some days, the smile came naturally. Other days, I was in a lousy mood and had to fake it. Yet after an hour of forced smiling, I often felt cheerful.”

When you are sick, tired and depressed, it takes a lot of willpower to stop sulking and start feeling good about yourself and the surrounding world. One thing that pregnancy does is that it takes away a lot of energy from the mother to build a new life inside her. No wonder pregnant ladies are always tired, sluggish and clumsy. During journey through nine month of pregnancy, I was half asleep most of the time and ended up dropping a lot of mugs and dishes…

Once the baby is born (or perhaps, a few months later) we slowly start getting our energy back. All of a sudden, we find ourselves being much more efficient and productive. We become the queens of multitasking – changing diapers, cooking, breastfeeding, seeing doctors, picking kids from school, taking them to sports classes, posting on Facebook, writing blogs… This is actually the happiest time of our life.

The Venice of the North

Stockholm, the unofficial capital of Scandinavia, is a beautiful Nordic city known for its world-famous music, social democracy, unparalleled life style, delicious food and cutting-edge design and architecture. The legend says that Vikings founded Stockholm after filling a hollowed-out log with gold, laying it in the water and letting it guide them ashore. The tale is fictional but metaphoric: This city is golden. It is filled with rich history, cosmopolitan glamour and stunning beauty.

Military Band

The changing of the guard ceremony at the Royal Palace has been a daily tradition since the XVI century. In summer the guards are accompanied by the the military band who march in their impeccable white uniforms all across the Old Town towards the Royal Palace. As you can see there is a decent number of females amongst the guards and the band performers.

Storatorget

Storatorget, located in the center of the Old Town is a picturesque old square often seen on the Stockholm postcards. In the 16th century this was an execution place called Stockholm Blood Bath where the king beheaded his political enemies.


Alfred Nobel invented dynamite in 1866, which earned him a huge fortune. A French newspaper mistakenly published Alfred's obituary and condemned him for his invention of dynamite saying that he became rich by finding ways to kill more people faster than ever before. Alfred was disappointed with what he read and concerned with how he would be remembered. In his will he allocated 94% of his assets to establish the Nobel Prize.

Penicilin
(discovered by
Alexander Fleming in 1928)

More than 800 Nobel Laureates and some of the world’s most important ideas and discoveries are presented in Nobel Museum located here, at Storatorget Square.

Nobel Ice Cream

The famous Nobel Ice Cream is a special dessert created for the Nobel Banquet in 1976. It was served to guests at every Nobel Banquet until 1998. Today, the ice cream is made only for the Nobel Museum and Bistro Nobel, a small café inside the museum.

Statue of St George

Storkyrkan is the oldest church in the Old Town of Stockholm. All the royal weddings and coronations took place here. Locals believe that this statue of Saint George fighting the Dragon symbolizes Sweden's need to struggle against evil. I think they already won that battle long time ago – today they are a truly happy nation.



Comprised of 14 beautiful islands and a labyrinth of canals, the Swedish capital is often referred to as the Venice of the North. The waterways are so clean and pure that you could safely drink straight from Mother Nature’s tap.

Housed in a magnificent building the Nordiska museum is the exposition of the Northern culture. Inside is a collection of all things Swedish, from Sami folklore to eclectic exhibitions of Swedish fashion, shoes, interiors and even table settings.

A very unique exposition at Nordiska museum is dedicated to Sami people, the indigenous people who live in the northern parts of Scandinavia. There are at least 20,000 Sami in Sweden and like most First Nations in Canada their main occupations are hunting and fishing. Today they are also involved in handicrafts, tourism, media, art and music. Sami have their own political organizations and recognized as a national minority in Sweden.

The Vasa Warship

The Vasa Museum is Sweden’s most famous attraction. It is home to the world’s only preserved 17th-century warship, which is almost 70 meters long. Vasa, the Scandinavian Titanic, sank in the middle of Stockholm harbor in the middle of the 17th century and was salvaged for restoration only in 1961. More than 95% of the warship is original and was restored to its original glory. The wood that has been under water for over 300 years can easily split and collapse if allowed to dry after salvage. This is why the museum has a controlled humidity to ensure the ship survives for as long as possible.

When it comes to museums Swedes like to go into every detail. The Vasa Museum tells you everything about the ship crew, their health issues, dental problems and diet. The researchers were able to restore all these details using just bones and skulls.

Skansen is the world's first open-air museum, where you can stroll through five centuries of Swedish history, around historical buildings and dwellings and meet people from the past.

The Skansen Zoo

The Skansen Zoo is like Canadian Lion Safari, but with Nordic animals. Beware of lemurs who can use your back or head as a springboard.


In summer Stockholm people of all ages wear sneakers and cotton pants. I don’t know whether it is a fashion trend or they simply don’t care about their looks. The truth is unlike Americans it doesn’t really matter what they wear because they would look stunning in any clothes. I haven’t seen so many beautiful people (both men and women) in any other country of the world. And I think they are aware of this because they seem so confident. This is what the whole H&M style is based on – simple, comfortable and relaxed.

Another thing they do is getting together in a huge crowd and singing along with their favorite TV host. Sing-a-Long at Skansen is a televised event broadcast live every Tuesday evening in summer and they have been doing this since 1979. Today the host of the show is the 26-year-old idol Måns Zelmerlöw. What else do Swedish people like? The herring in mustard sauce, marinated herring, for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

The Ericsson Globe

Another example of the Swedish passion for creativity and design is the Ericsson Globe, the world's largest hemispherical construction. The Globe is the national arena of Sweden and is named after Swedish largest telecommunications company and the maker of the popular phones. The two spherical glass gondolas take visitors to the very top of the building from where you can see the entire city. Of course, it’s nothing compared to Eiffel or CN Tower, however its the shape that makes it unique. It feels like walking on a very small “moon”.

The National Historical Museum is mostly known for its Vikings collection. Like every other Swedish museum they like to exhibit bones of animals and humans dug out from the past. And of course gold and silver. However, no recording was allowed in the famous Gold Room, which contains 52 kilos of gold and over 200 kilos of silver. Nevertheless, we were able to take a sneak peek….






The Spritmuseum, The Museum of Spirits, or Absolute Museum, is a unusual and creative exhibition which celebrates and disapproves alcohol drinking at the same time. It takes you on an unforgettable journey from the vodka production process to a drunken party room, all based on art, scenery, experience, scents, sounds and tastes… The Absolute Art Collection is just another showcase of Swedish creativity, artistry and sense of humour.

 

Did you know that these things came from Sweden?

1. World’s best pop bands of the 80s – Abba, Ace of Base, Europe, Roxette 
2. Ikea. With 267 stores in 25 countries, it made the interior creation easy and affordable for everyone. 
3. The Nobel Prize. An international annual award of US $1.2 million administered for achievements in physics, chemistry, physiology or medicine, literature and for peace. The famous Nobel Laureates include Albert Einstein, Ernest Hemingway, Alexander Solzhenitsyn. Theodore Roosevelt and Mikhail Gorbachev.
4. Ericsson phones, as well as the invention of Bluetooth 
5. Tetra Pak – a multinational food packaging company producing over 160 million packages a year. 
6. The zipper - the method still used today, based on interlocking teeth, was invented in 1913 by the Swedish engineer Gideon Sundbäck. 
7. Dynamite – the explosive material invented by Alfred Nobel in 1867.
8. H&M – a multi-national retail-clothing company with 2,629 stores across the world. 
9. Buffet-style restaurants. The buffet table originates from the traditional Swedish Smörgåsbord, the table of sandwiches.

What Are The Things That Men and Women Don't Understand About Each Other?

I started this blog just before the Valentine's Day and then I realized it's going to take some time to put together a detailed answer.  So let's see what I came up with. If you don't agree with something I wrote here - feel free to let me know.

Why do women like to spend so much money on dresses, shoes, bags and makeup?

Well, first of all, because beautiful things make women look more beautiful too. Women are never happy with the way they look. That's why they want to try new things all the time.

Why are women so sensitive and sometimes go through mood swings? Especially during PMS?

It has to do with the hormones, of course. The hormones are substances that affect women's brains. Weather, stress, sleep deprivation and children's tantrums can be additional triggers that cause hormonal imbalance and make women  emotional and irritable.

Why are women sometimes critical of other women?

Women just feel more comfortable hanging out with those girls who don't outshine them. Those who show off their good looks, nice clothes, intelligence and overall perfection risk being bad-mouthed and gossiped about.

Why do women like to spend hours on shopping?

Men and women have different views on what shopping is about. Men see it as a chore that needs to be finished as quickly as possible. Women enjoy the process itself. The like to try it on, look at themselves in the mirror, ask the salesperson’s opinion, then ask the guy’s opinion. They call it retail therapy. It’s a way to take the focus off daily stresses and increase the level of serotonin in our systems.

Why do women take so long to get ready?

Because looking good is a complex, time consuming task. Every part of a woman's body requires special treatment. Eyes need eye cream. Face needs tonic and mosturizer. Neck requires neck firming cream. And Body needs Shaving and the Body Lotion. Every day we are puzzled with the same question: «What to wear?» "I've got all this clothes, but there is absolutely nothing to wear!!!» When we are getting ready to go out, we have to take care of so many details. Jewelry and shoes have to match the dress. Stockings have to match the shoes. Lingere has to match the stockings. The purse has to match the shoes. Nails have to match the lipstick and the lipstick has to match the colour of the hair. For men, such task would as difficult as the Fermat's Last Theorem

Why do women come up with all kinds of excuses when they don't want to make love?

Like «I have a headache», «it's late», «we'll wake up the baby» and so on.

Why can't they just say it straight that they don't want it? Women are so controversial. One one side they can easily accuse men of being mean, lasy, stupid and rude. On the other side they are being careful not to hurt them by saying that they don't want to have sex.

Why do women like flick chicks and flick chick celebrities?

Guys are wondering why women get obsessed with actors like Robert Pattinson, Jude Law and Ashton Kutcher? Women are crushing on those male celebrities  who play passionate, sexy and dramatic roles in flick chicks. How is this happening? Well, there are two things here. Number one, the actor can be just talented. Number two, it's the power of cinematography that does the trick, the combined effort of directors, screenwriters, stylists and video edtors.

Take Twilight Saga for instance. Although Robert Pattinson beat 3,000 auditionees to play Edward Cullen, in real life he is the total opposite of his twilight role. He is just an ordinary guy, a bit nervous at the interviews. Constantly giggling and tousling his hair. Contrarily, Edward is quiet and compelling. His golden eyes hypnotise and the scenes where he strokes and kisses Bella make the audience moan «Ohh». I assume he is either a really talented actor or just the right material molded by the movie artists into a magnetic enchanting heartthrob.

The movie directors are good psychologysts. They know what type of men women like and give them what they want. As a result  their movies attract millions of female fans  from around the world and earn nine digit revenues.

Now let's talk about those things that women don't understand about men.

Why are men so attached to woman's body? Why do they like to watch porn, go to strip clubs and check out attractive females on the streets, in the malls and at work? Even when they are married or have a girlfriend?

Could it be because men are polygamous by nature? Some scientists believe they are and it goes back to the tribal times when stronger, taller and bigger males would monopolise all the females in the group. Also they say that under certain circumstances, women would prefer to share men. For example, in societies where rich men are much richer than poor men, one-half, one-quarter, or even one-tenth of a wealthy man is still better than an entire poor man. As George Bernard Shaw puts it, "The maternal instinct leads a woman to prefer a tenth share in a first-rate man to the exclusive possession of a third-rate one. 

In the modern society thanks to laws men have to be monogamous. Well, as they say the forbidden fruit is sweat.... That's why they hide Playboys under their beds, protect their computer files with long passwords and know everything about their female colleagues' body parts (like the bra size and whose butt is the best...) 

Even if a guy says that he is a one-woman man, nothing can stop him from checking out other women. It just gives them the feeling of variety they all secretly want, it's their way of increasing serotonin, it's their stress therapy.

Hey ladies, want to draw their attention away from other women? Then stop talking about your medical problems, house renovation and financial issues. How about giving them some food for their imagination and appealing to their secret fantasies and dreams? Start by doing something dirty and provocative.

Some more truths about men....

Why do men prefer sex to talking?

Even though men may say that sex is not the only thing they want and that they like to be your soulmate and spend time with you chatting about things important to you, take it with a grain of salt. They like to talk about their own matters. And most of the times, they are wasting their breath. So they figure they’d rather have sex with the woman to utilize time spent with her more efficiently.

Why are men not able to multitask?

Did you notice that when your guy is busy with something, let’s say watching TV, writing an email, talking to a freind, it’s impossible to interrupt him no matter how badly you need his attention.

While women can easily discuss important matters while buying groceries or having their nails done, most men prefer to attend to one thing at a time. These differences between men and women are biologically based. Recent research has shown that male and female brains are composed of different amounts of grey and white matter. Women’s brains have more grey matter which is why they are so good at multi-tasking. Men have more white matter which gives them that incredible ability to do parallel parking in two quick and accurate maneuvers, as opposed to women's trying many times without any luck. 

Why do men like to wear the same clothes and shoes for many years?

Men and women understand the purpose of clothes differently. For women, first of all, clothes have to go with fashion, which is always changing. Secondly, they are the means to emphasize the advantages and conceal the disadvantages of the woman's body, which is also always changing. Men value comfort, quality, easy care and durability of clothes and shoes. When they get clothes that meet those requirements they may stay in it for years.

Why do men become possessive?

Sometimes when you wear a dress that shows just a little bit of skin your partner may think that you are going to flirt with every single guy you meet on your way. While women dress like that just because they want to look attractive, guys actually worry that other men will be staring at your cleavage and looking up your skirt. And they don't want that like cats don't want other cats to cross their territories. Luckily, nowadays, except for the muslim countries, most men are quite democratic about women's clothes. Many, in fact, like to impress  their pals with their wifes' assets. For them, it's the same  as competing on who's car, boat or a digital camera is the coolest.  Which can also be a sign of possessiveness. Is your guy acting possessive? Maybe he feels insecure about his relationship with you, maybe he is afraid to loose you. Talk to him to find out.

The best way to patch the holes in your relationship is to try to understand each other better. And i hope you'll be able to use some of my today tips for that.

Some well known facts about men and women:

• A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.
• A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
• A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
• A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
• A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
• A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
• To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
• To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
• Married men live longer than single men.
• But married men are a lot more willing to die.
• Any married man should forget his mistakes.
• No sense two people remembering the same thing.
• Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
• Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
• A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
• A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
• A woman has the last word in any argument.
• Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

Less known facts about men and women:

• 90% of women wash their hands after using a public restroom; 75% of men do
• 70% of men shower daily. 57% of women shower daily
• Even though men are less sanitary than women, they carry fewer bacteria. Women carry twice the number of bacteria species than men did, even though women wash their hands more often and are more sanitary.
• 80% of school discipline is done to boys.
• High school dropout: 80% boys, 20% girls.
• 14% of 25-34 year old men live with their parents. 8% of 25-34 year old women live with their parents (US Census Bureau).
• A woman spends an average of 2 years of her life time looking at herself in the mirror; a man spends 6 months.
• However, men look at a reflection of themselves as often as women do; it is just that women take longer looks due to more necessary maintenance a woman has to do in front of a mirror.
• A woman speaks about 7,000 words a day; a man speaks about 2,000.
• British men waste 6 million hours of driving each year (burning gas and polluting their environment) because they do not stop to ask for directions.
• There are many more hyperactive boys than there are hyperactive girls. However, hyperactive boys normally cease being hyperactive as they grow. Hyperactive girls, on the other hand, become more distressed, perform poorly in school, become involved in abusive relationships, and get pregnant earlier in life.
• Men that are fat are happier than thin men. Fat women are not.
• Women, having stronger opinions regarding their home and family, tend to control household matters (housework, family times, family schedules, etc.). And husbands were the happiest if they did not disagree with these decisions regarding household matters. Husbands who had opinions about these issues were more likely to be involved in spousal arguments.
• There are about 3 million teachers in the United States. 75% are women; 25% are men.
• In elementary schools, 91% of teachers are women, and 9% are men.

Read more here